Friday, February 17, 2017

Speed Dating...Just Not the Kind That You Think

Dating advice is usually given to, reserved for and requested by women. I have seen it all, what I rarely see is dating advice for men. Why? Because men do not seek dating advice, and if they do it's not usually from a reliable source. They need to rethink this strategy or lack thereof. It tends to be women who are usually portrayed as the ones who rush in relationships, who get attached too soon, and who plan the wedding on the first date. But in case anyone thinks that men do not behave this way as well, I'm here to tell you that they do. I'll give you two examples of guys I came across recently...

Now I "met" them both online but, from my personal experience, what I'm about to say is not exclusive to online guys. These guys are from different races (one's black, the other is white), similar ages (5 years apart), different economic backgrounds (one is a stockbroker, the other works for sanitation) and family situations (one is divorced, 2 kids; the other never married, no kids).
Both are tall, bald, and fairly attractive, one is pretty buff and the other could stand to lose a few.

Guy number one. I spoke to him for the first time on a Sunday, nice convo, was going well. By Tuesday he was saying that I seemed like I was "too busy" because I we hadn't spoken enough..TUESDAY...TWO DAYS. This was the same guy who asked me about my future plans and I said, ideally I would like to spend half the year in New York and the other half, preferably the winter, on an island like Turks and Caicos. His response? But I have two kids, I can't just pick up and leave for half the year. Dead serious. I'm like, What???? Who the hell was talking about you?? That's not what I said, but that's exactly what I was thinking. Listen, it's nice for a man to picture the future but, maybe we can wait until we actually meet? This scares me. Needless to say,  we didn't go any further.
Not just because of this, there were more signs but I'm working on a point here.

Guy number two. I spoke to him once on the, but I thought he was okay enough to keep in mind. TWO DAYS LATER, the phone rings, I didn't recognize the number and don't normally answer these types of calls but I was expecting a call from a new dentist. So I pick up the phone and say "Hello?" The voice says "Hi." I say "Hi" and I wait for a beat expecting the person to tell me who it is, what this is about, you know the normal stuff that happens when once person calls another. He said nothing, so I say, "I think you might have the wrong number." I hung up the phone and went on with my life. The next day he texted me asking why I told him it was the wrong number. I said, "Oh! That was you?" I apologized and said, "You didn't say anything." I later came the conclusion that he was expecting me to know his voice or at least have his number saved in my phone, neither applied. So instead of playing it cool he says,"I thought you would have my number saved. You didn't even look to see what the number was after you hung up?" Dead serious. Umm okay, I wasn't going to go there with a virtual stranger, literally, but, before I could respond, he texts, "Let's move on. How is your day?" Okay, we'd been chatting with one another for a week, spoke once, and had not met in person. So no, I pretty much forgot about the caller as I was hanging up the phone. I'm moving on alright. I had to check the calendar to make sure a month hadn't past and I wasn't aware of it.

But before you dismiss these as crazy Internet guys, this has happened to me IRL as well. I've had plenty of guys stop talking to me because I didn't choose them or some other pansy ass thing that didn't happen. Here's a good example. I met a guy at church, we talked, he gave me his card to give him a call. I wasn't that into him but I was going to give him a chance. But then I lost his, for real. I saw him again in church and noticed he was giving me shade. I looked past it and spoke to him and tried to explain that I lost his card, he wasn't feeling it. I asked him if he had another one, he said "No" and stormed off. Lol I can't. And I was shaded like this by an NFL player ex, a barber ex, a neighbor or three, that guy from high school... I could go on.

And what's with these guys who like to text you at 6 o'clock in the morning?

So all of this "date like a man" hullabaloo needs to stop. I know the idea works in theory but, to apply it exclusively to men is just wrong. More often than not, I have "dated like a man" (minus the casual sex part, if that's even true) only this is not what I thought I was doing, it just made dating sense to me. And while all of this stuff about women who are needy and clingy and rush in relationships may be've got some many men who are doing the exact same thing. Stop it.

Helen Willis,
The Zebress

Sunday, February 12, 2017

Are the Police Racist?

I read this 2015 post about police shootings written by the Washington Post. I was shocked to discover that during that year, the majority of those who were unfortunately shot and killed by the police were white males. I won't go into rewriting facts that have already been researched, I will just provide you with the information you may need to draw your own conclusions and answer the question...are the police racist?

Sincerely, Helen Willis, The Zebress

Saturday, January 28, 2017

Welcome Back, Serena!

SERENA Williams has announced she is getting married to her boyfriend Alexis Ohanian. The pair – who have been dating for 15 months – announced the news of their engagement on their social media accounts. states Alexis Ohanian, 33, is a tech entrepreneur and best-selling author from the USHe was born in Brooklyn, New York City, in 1983 to an Armenian-American father – whose family fled the genocide – and a German mother.
Alexis went to school in Ellicot City, Maryland, before graduating from the University of Virginia in 2005 with degrees in commerce and history.
It was this very year when Alexis did what he is most famous for – co-founding social news website Reddit.
Along with partner and fellow Virginia graduate Steve Huffman, the 6ft5 innovator set up the now-global name at the age of just 22.

We wish you two the best! And congrats on the win!

Helen Willis, The Zebress

Tuesday, January 24, 2017

The Angry Black Woman's Top 10

Now, I, Helen Willis, am not an angry black woman nor have I ever been accused of being one. But if I were indeed and angry black woman, it might be because:

1. People often consider me last when it comes to beauty, but first when it comes to imitation.
2. I can go to Princeton and Harvard, be a stellar mom, a supportive wife, and the First Lady of the United States and still be called "ghetto" and other offensive names, for no reason.
3. People are always obsessed with what my hair is doing or not doing.
4. When I have a child as a single person I'm trash, but when it comes to women from other ethnic backgrounds it's "unfortunate" or a "mistake."
5. When some men from any ethnicity see me, especially black men, they think it's okay to talk to me in any manner.
6. I am sexualized and objectified more often than any other female; usually by black men.
7. Other black women who should be my allies are more like my enemies and most of them don't even know me.
8. The stats always put  me last in everything positive and first in everything negative.
9. I am often paid less for doing the same jobs as others, male or female, that is if I get the job in the first place.
10. Black women who contribute to any negative image black women may have are considered the archetype for every black woman rather than just being a product of  her environment, her own values and intentions, and how she was raised.

So no I'm not angry, because I know I am blessed, but if I was, I think these might be good reasons as to why. Let me know if you have more to add to this list. Blessings.

Helen Willis, The Zebress