Wednesday, November 30, 2016

Random Thoughts on "Random Thoughts by Damon Young of Very Smart Brothas"

Okay, I thought the title was cute but this is not a random thought at all.
So a few days ago I wrote a blog post that referenced a video posted by Matthew Hussey on You Tube Who Should Pay on a First Date, Matthew Hussey? It was a reflection on my thoughts on chivalry and the notion supported and encouraged by so-called dating experts like Matthew Hussey.
I, as you may or may not know, am a woman trying to tell any interested party how ladies like to be treated. 

But as what often happens, I got a response to my questions on this topic and I hadn't even voiced them. Two days after I posted the Matthew Hussey article,  I picked up the September 2016 issue of Ebony magazine and read a column. It was written by an awesome gentleman by the name of Damon Young of Very Smart Brothas. Mr. Young, turns out, totally supported everything I said. 
Are we still brushing our shoulders off? If not, whatever the equivalent is, picture me doing it right now. A guy sent Damon Young a question, basically, he had heard dating "horror stories" and wanted to know if women were expecting guys to take them on $500 dates nowadays like he had been told. 

I hope Damon doesn't mind the direct quote but here's what he said:
"My macking strategy a decade ago was to pull out my T-Mobile sidekick and hope she was impressed, so I can't imagine how today's dating scene must look to you [Is Damon a married man? More support for my position]. But fret not! Little has changed in the courting game, and you can still have a ton of fun without spending much money. But that doesn't necessarily mean going to Arby's. If you live in a city, there are always dozens of fun and relatively cheap events - gallery crawls, art installations, live shows, for example, and you can craft great get-to-know-you moments around them. Sometimes you can pack more than one in the same night. 
You just have to make an effort (And no sexting!)."

I'm going to go ahead and say this must have been a gift from Yahweh because after seeing Hussey's video and hearing the same type of garbage over and over again, between you and me, I was kind of bummed if this was indeed the case with today's man. I'm single again for about three months now and I have never paid for a first date, or any date with a man for that matter and I started to wonder if this was the reason my relationships haven't worked. I started to question myself, should I have offered? Should I ask if they want me to? Honestly, if this was the case, I wasn't sure how my story would turn out save for the grace of my Father. I'm a lady and I want a real man or no one at all. 
Like I said, it's not about the money, it's about the effort. And for the record, I have to make clear,
I'm not married or in a relationship so I'm not in the business of giving relationship advice either. I don't think you can give advice on something until it's in your rear view mirror, this way you can tell if you've done a decent job or not. Not everyone who is married is admirable either, make sure that those you listen to have been somewhat successful in their relationships. I prefer those with an upstanding spouse and a little time under their belt. But what I can do, I can... and most certainly will call out crap when I hear it. And if nothing else, I definitely how a lady likes to be treated, anyone other than that, I have no clue. 

I'm glad to know that Matthew Hussey and anyone who agrees with him are the exceptions and not the rule. And to the men I mentioned in my last post who provide great advice, Dr. Phil McGraw, Bishop TD Jakes and Steve Harvey,  I can add a new name to the list. Damon Young, you are indeed a "very smart brotha." All the best to you.

Sincerely, Helen Willis, The Zebress

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