Friday, February 17, 2017

Speed Dating...Just Not the Kind That You Think

Dating advice is usually given to, reserved for and requested by women. I have seen it all, what I rarely see is dating advice for men. Why? Because men do not seek dating advice, and if they do it's not usually from a reliable source. They need to rethink this strategy or lack thereof. It tends to be women who are usually portrayed as the ones who rush in relationships, who get attached too soon, and who plan the wedding on the first date. But in case anyone thinks that men do not behave this way as well, I'm here to tell you that they do. I'll give you two examples of guys I came across recently...

Now I "met" them both online but, from my personal experience, what I'm about to say is not exclusive to online guys. These guys are from different races (one's black, the other is white), similar ages (5 years apart), different economic backgrounds (one is a stockbroker, the other works for sanitation) and family situations (one is divorced, 2 kids; the other never married, no kids).
Both are tall, bald, and fairly attractive, one is pretty buff and the other could stand to lose a few.

Guy number one. I spoke to him for the first time on a Sunday, nice convo, was going well. By Tuesday he was saying that I seemed like I was "too busy" because I we hadn't spoken enough..TUESDAY...TWO DAYS. This was the same guy who asked me about my future plans and I said, ideally I would like to spend half the year in New York and the other half, preferably the winter, on an island like Turks and Caicos. His response? But I have two kids, I can't just pick up and leave for half the year. Dead serious. I'm like, What???? Who the hell was talking about you?? That's not what I said, but that's exactly what I was thinking. Listen, it's nice for a man to picture the future but, maybe we can wait until we actually meet? This scares me. Needless to say,  we didn't go any further.
Not just because of this, there were more signs but I'm working on a point here.

Guy number two. I spoke to him once on the, but I thought he was okay enough to keep in mind. TWO DAYS LATER, the phone rings, I didn't recognize the number and don't normally answer these types of calls but I was expecting a call from a new dentist. So I pick up the phone and say "Hello?" The voice says "Hi." I say "Hi" and I wait for a beat expecting the person to tell me who it is, what this is about, you know the normal stuff that happens when once person calls another. He said nothing, so I say, "I think you might have the wrong number." I hung up the phone and went on with my life. The next day he texted me asking why I told him it was the wrong number. I said, "Oh! That was you?" I apologized and said, "You didn't say anything." I later came the conclusion that he was expecting me to know his voice or at least have his number saved in my phone, neither applied. So instead of playing it cool he says,"I thought you would have my number saved. You didn't even look to see what the number was after you hung up?" Dead serious. Umm okay, I wasn't going to go there with a virtual stranger, literally, but, before I could respond, he texts, "Let's move on. How is your day?" Okay, we'd been chatting with one another for a week, spoke once, and had not met in person. So no, I pretty much forgot about the caller as I was hanging up the phone. I'm moving on alright. I had to check the calendar to make sure a month hadn't past and I wasn't aware of it.

But before you dismiss these as crazy Internet guys, this has happened to me IRL as well. I've had plenty of guys stop talking to me because I didn't choose them or some other pansy ass thing that didn't happen. Here's a good example. I met a guy at church, we talked, he gave me his card to give him a call. I wasn't that into him but I was going to give him a chance. But then I lost his, for real. I saw him again in church and noticed he was giving me shade. I looked past it and spoke to him and tried to explain that I lost his card, he wasn't feeling it. I asked him if he had another one, he said "No" and stormed off. Lol I can't. And I was shaded like this by an NFL player ex, a barber ex, a neighbor or three, that guy from high school... I could go on.

And what's with these guys who like to text you at 6 o'clock in the morning?

So all of this "date like a man" hullabaloo needs to stop. I know the idea works in theory but, to apply it exclusively to men is just wrong. More often than not, I have "dated like a man" (minus the casual sex part, if that's even true) only this is not what I thought I was doing, it just made dating sense to me. And while all of this stuff about women who are needy and clingy and rush in relationships may be've got some many men who are doing the exact same thing. Stop it.

Helen Willis,
The Zebress

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